only 17

might delete later

i'm so indecisive because one day i wish to be a scriptwriter, the next day i wanna get into film making, one day i wanna go into governance and diplomacy, the next i want to be an economist and policy maker. so much to do, so many wants, so many aspirations and such a little life.

i wanna learn languages that are now extinct, i wish to crochet, and sculpt things that'll only take up space, i want to pick up art again and spend less time on my phone, i just want to be active enough in sports so that instead of a café i spend my leisure time playing with my friends. i wish to fill up diaries with poems in hindi as well, not just english. i want to pick up violin again, and another instrument too. i want to learn how to do my makeup as well, because i don't want to depend on my mother forever.

i want to stay in touch with my friends but my social battery drains out fast, i don't understand people they don't understand me, i don't trust them, i don't bother knowing them. it's hard to maintain friendships long distance and i'm tired of being the only one putting in efforts. i love my parents but i can't be honest enough with them to tell them if i'm sad or happy because they'll only worry. i feel like i don't belong anywhere because i have no home. i'm tired of shifting places over and over and over. every time a place feels home enough, we've to bloody move because “wow hey government job— you gotta adjust!!” nobody gets what i feel and all i can do is just smile and move on.

i wanna love, so hopelessly wanna love, but it's scary. because end of the day, i. will. leave. leave you, this city, every house i’ve lived in, and myself.

i'm only 17 i don't know anything